What Playing a Villain Taught Me About Human Nature

When I first started acting, I thought the hardest part would be remembering my lines or hitting the right emotional notes. But I was wrong. The real challenge? It’s finding the truth in a character - especially when that character’s actions clash with your own values.
To play any role convincingly, you can’t judge the character. You have to set aside your opinions and ask: What would make me act this way? What would have to be true for me to justify these choices? And in doing so, I uncovered something profound:
No one sees themselves as the villain.
Whether it’s a fictional character or a person in real life, we are all the heroes of our own stories. We justify our actions based on what feels true to us in the moment - even if, seconds later, we regret them.
But acting didn’t just teach me to understand others. It challenged me to understand myself. What pain or unmet need drives my choices? What beliefs do I hold that might not be serving me anymore?

Act One: Finding Truth in Others

When preparing for a role, especially as a “villain,” I have to ask: What’s driving this person? I can’t play them convincingly if I just think, They’re awful. I have to step into their shoes, see the world through their eyes, and understand what makes their choices feel justified.

This applies to real life too.

When we encounter someone whose actions we don’t agree with, it’s easy to label them: toxic, selfish, lazy, manipulative, a narcissist. But those labels are shortcuts – they don’t tell the whole story. If you dig deeper, you’ll often find fear, insecurity, or an unmet need driving their behaviour.

For example:

  • Someone controlling might be terrified of uncertainty.
  • Someone dismissive might be protecting themselves from rejection.
  • Someone harsh might be operating from their own unhealed pain.

It doesn’t excuse the behaviour, but it helps you see the humanity behind it.

And here’s the hard truth: given the right circumstances, you’re capable of making the same choices. So am I.

Act Two: Finding Truth in Yourself

If acting teaches you to empathise with others, it also teaches you to empathise with yourself.

Just like every character operates from a truth that feels valid to them, so do we. But those truths aren’t always serving us. For me, acting made me confront some uncomfortable questions about my own patterns:

  • From what pain or unmet need do I operate?
  • What beliefs drive my actions, even when they don’t serve me?
  • What stories am I telling myself that keep me stuck?

For years, I worked in high-pressure environments where being constantly “on” made me feel valuable. I thrived on the adrenaline and the camaraderie of problem-solving with my team.

But when I finally stepped into a slower, low-stress role, I realised something else: without the chaos, I didn’t know who I was. My worth had been so tied to my productivity that when the adrenaline stopped, I was left with an unsettling question: Who am I without the stress?

What’s True for You?

We all have truths that shape our behaviour—beliefs we’ve carried for so long they feel like fact. But not all of them are helpful. Some of the most common ones include:

  • “I have to prove myself to be loved.”
  • “If I don’t do it, no one will.”
  • “Conflict is dangerous, so I have to keep the peace.”
  • “I can’t trust anyone but myself.”

These beliefs might have protected us at some point, but they can also keep us stuck in patterns that no longer serve us.

The key is to pause and ask: What’s true for me right now? And is this truth helping or hurting me?

The Power of Curiosity

When you approach life like an actor, you stop labeling actions as “good” or “bad” and start asking:

  • What’s driving this behaviour?
  • What’s the need or pain behind it?
  • How might I act the same way in their shoes?

This doesn’t just make you a better actor—it makes you better at relationships, conflict, and self-awareness.

And when you turn those questions inward, it becomes even more powerful. You begin to notice your own patterns, understand your own unmet needs, and rewrite the stories that aren’t serving you.

The Grand Finale

We’re all capable of playing the villain – and the hero. Acting teaches us that the line between the two isn’t as clear as we think. It’s shaped by circumstances, beliefs, and the stories we tell ourselves.

So the next time you’re in conflict – whether with someone else or with yourself – ask the harder questions. Dig deeper. Look for the truth behind the action.

Because understanding others starts with understanding yourself. And when you find that truth, you’re no longer stuck in the same old story. You’re free to write a new one.