One thing I feel doesn’t get enough love in the self-improvement community is spending time with yourself. Sure, it's sometimes mentioned in a dating community - "don't wait for The One, date yourself first", but that message clearly has limited reach. Throughout the year, there will be times when I feel like something's off despite everything going well. I'm not as productive, as upbeat, as ready to take on the world... But why, I used to ask myself? I’m exercising, working on exciting projects, meeting people, having dinner dates, eating healthy, learning, pursuing hobbies, taking vitamins… and… and…

Sounds familiar? If the answer is yes, tell me - When was the last time you spent a day, or even just a few hours, completely on your own - no friends, no family, no distractions?

If your answer is, “I can’t remember,” then it might be time to treat yourself to a solo date. You can thank me later.

Is it even a date?

My first solo-dates weren’t even dates, I didn’t think of them as spending quality time with myself. In fact, I didn’t even think of them as something to do to treat myself. I felt more like a victim of circumstances, trying to make the best out of a bad situation.

• Traveling somewhere with a layover and needing to go out for dinner by myself,
• Being in a new place and not wanting to stay at home/hotel and stare at the walls.

A big one was getting stuck by myself during Covid when countries locked their borders down just before Christmas and I had to spend the whole festive period by myself.

It is still, to this day, the best Christmas I have ever had (sorry, mum).

It took a while for me to associate this time with myself with getting reinvigorated, reenergised, more connected to myself. And then to consciously plan my solo-time.

We often think of dates as something we do with other people, a way to connect and enjoy someone else’s company. But there’s something special about carving out time to enjoy your own company, too. Here’s why I think taking yourself on a solo date could be one of the best decisions you make this week.

The Freedom to Do Whatever You Want

One of the best things about a solo date (or a solo Christmas – pure bliss) is that you get to call all the shots. Want to spend an afternoon wandering through a museum, followed by a long coffee break at your favourite café? Go for it. Feel like catching a movie that none of your friends are interested in? Now’s your chance.

When you’re on your own, you don’t have to worry about anyone else’s schedule, preferences, or opinions. It’s all about what you want to do. You can be as spontaneous or as planned as you like. There’s a certain freedom in knowing that the day is yours to shape however you choose.

Rediscovering Yourself

In the hustle and bustle of daily life, it’s easy to lose touch with who you are outside of your responsibilities and relationships. A solo date gives you the space to reconnect with yourself, to listen to your own thoughts, and to remember what makes you tick.

It’s an opportunity to indulge in the things you love, without any external influence. Whether it’s browsing a bookstore for hours, taking a long walk in the park, or enjoying a quiet meal at a new restaurant, these little moments of self-indulgence can help you rediscover what brings you joy.

There’s an advanced version of this I now cherish deeply (it probably deserves its own post) and that’s solo holidays. Especially, if you don’t trust or value yourself (which is a much bigger issue than just a drop in productivity), nothing will build back your confidence and trust in yourself like a solo trip.

Building Confidence and Independence

Speaking of confidence… There’s something incredibly empowering about doing things on your own. It builds confidence and reminds you that you’re perfectly capable of enjoying life without relying on others. When you take yourself on a solo date, you’re sending a message to yourself that you’re worth the time and effort – that you don’t need anyone else’s company to feel complete.

This sense of independence is not only liberating, but it can also spill over into other areas of your life, making you more confident in your choices and more comfortable in your own skin.

Practising Mindfulness

A solo date is a perfect opportunity to practise mindfulness. Without the usual distractions, you can be fully present in whatever you’re doing. You can savour each bite of your meal, fully appreciate the art in the gallery, or lose yourself in the pages of a book.

Being alone allows you to slow down and experience things more deeply. It’s a chance to tune into your senses and enjoy the simple pleasures of life. Plus, it can be a great way to de-stress and recharge, especially if your daily life is usually fast-paced and hectic.

The Joy of Treating Yourself

My personal favourite, because let’s be honest – treating yourself feels good. Whether it’s splurging on a fancy dessert, buying yourself a little gift, or just taking the time to do something you love, solo dates are all about self-care. It’s about acknowledging that you deserve to enjoy life, to have fun, and to be pampered – by yourself.

And be careful. Solo-dating is not the same as binge shopping online or watching a full season of Bridgerton in one sitting. You don’t just try to fill your hollow existence with distractions. You’re mindfully choosing to celebrate yourself.

There’s no need to wait for a special occasion or someone else’s permission. You can create your own special moments, just because. And the best part? You get to do it your way, with no compromises.

Celebrate yourself

So, if you feel like something is off or you don’t feel as energetic as you normally would despite doing all the “good stuff”, consider this your invitation to take yourself on a self-date. It doesn’t have to be anything extravagant – just something that brings you joy and allows you to spend quality time with yourself.

Whether it’s a few hours or a whole day, make it a priority to carve out some “you” time. You might be surprised at how refreshing and fulfilling it can be. After all, you’re pretty great company, and you deserve to treat yourself every now and then.